“Spare Us” – Bruno Vincent’s parody of Prince Harry’s book

‘Spare Us’ parody to be launched on 1 April

Do you recall the hoo-hah and excitement over the launch of Prince Harry’s ‘spare no-one’ autobiography that was launched all those weeks ago on 10 January? If it was too long, or just not your ‘Cup of Royal Tea’, then you might prefer to read Spare Us by locally-based author Bruno Vincent. Erica Smith leafs through this surprisingly gentle parody.

You never know who you are going to meet in the local pub. In the Horse and Groom there’s an informal association known as ‘Sunday Club’ which meets on a Monday night. It involves a magnifying glass and a very old, very big dictionary. Participants take it in turns to find unusual words and make up meanings for them. That’s how I met author Bruno Vincent. He likes words. And pubs.

Bruno has written about 20 books and is the award-winning author of the delightful Enid Blyton spoofs from 2016 – Five Give Up the Booze, Five go Parenting, Five Escape Brexit Island and more. He has a sharp wit and whilst youthful, there’s something old-fashioned about him. If they had ever got together on a writers’ retreat, he could be the literary Love Child of Stella Gibbons and Ed Reardon.

When he told me Abacus Books were about to launch Spare Us, I was keen to read it.

“All I had ever wanted was privacy. In order to get it, it seemed that an exceptionally detailed 500,000-word book was in order…”
Spare Us

It can be dangerous to admit that you are not a fan of the Royals. When Spare came out I wondered how long it would take before it ended up in charity shops. My friend wasn’t impressed by my cheeky remark, and was excited to get a copy on launch day. I hazard a guess that she won’t be the only one who opened the book and was put off by the extensive verbiage. There’s a lot of words to get through if all you are after are the gory details of de-flowerings, frost-bite and right Royal rows. In the intervening weeks, Harry lost the favour of my royalist friend. When I asked her why she said “He went too far with the confessions and has sold his soul”.

Spare is still on sale in the Hastings branch of Waterstones. They sold 140 copies in the first week, and 100 copies in the next 11 weeks. The book ostensibly retails at £24 but has been on sale at half-price since launch day. If you still need a copy, there are another 80 copies in the Waterstones store. I popped down to the local Oxfam store, and surprisingly, Spare hasn’t yet reached the second-hand market.

Even if they don’t interest you one jot, it’s impossible not to know about the Royal Family, so I found Spare Us an enjoyable read. It is also beautiful and ‘sparingly’ written. It would have been very easy to make cheap jibes about Princess Diana and Meghan and the mental health challenges that come from being born into the public eye. Bruno’s parody is so sensitively written that he was bumped from an interview spot on Piers Morgan’s talk show for being insufficiently anti-Harry!

VFM?: Spare v. Spare Us

For £12, you get a hulluva lot of words for your bucks if you buy Spare. But if you are after quality rather than quantity, a good chuckle and some lovely line illustrations (courtesy of Emanuel Santos), you can save yourself £2 and spend a tenner on Spare Us by Bruno Vincent.

Spare Us is available now in Waterstones – or pop up Queen’s Road to your local independent bookshop, Printed Matter. 

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