Illustration by Thom Kofoed

Wide, fantastic circles

Thom Kofoed writes.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the world lately, which is an easy, shallow sort of thing to say; I’ve been thinking about the world. I’ve been thinking about its concrete corners and about the vinegar taste it can leave in your mouth. That acid stink that sticks to your fingers.

I’ve been thinking about how things end, conversations I’ve had, the hours between midnight and five that leave me scrambling, more often than not, for full gasps of air. Cliff edges.

I’ve been counting, counting days to come, counting the ones behind me, counting, counting, worried perhaps that I might lose myself amidst the distance. Life can feel long occasionally can’t it. And isn’t that an awful feeling.

At a funeral once I heard somebody say that the dead man who was my uncle was too gentle.

I have been told before that I am kind and that is a nice thing to hear, and also I have had stones thrown at me and also a knife and that isn’t so nice. I’m grateful I can recognise the difference because I know some people can’t. It can be difficult to sift through the things we are told about ourselves can’t it. To separate what is junk from what should be held carefully like a ceramic bowl in our hands.

I won’t watch the news because it makes it too hard to stay soft, and even though I have been told it is naive it doesn’t matter. Often times I feel like I’m drowning and it’s only then I appreciate the equilibrium of darkness. It is a blank space after all. Somewhere to begin again.

I am on a train heading away from the day I have had, peppered with people heavy as slate. I imagined them once, long ago, running circles in the park. Laughing at the television. Dancing in a person’s arms. How difficult it must be to be so difficult, I thought. A tangle of knots to untie.

And I thought about the world (how easy. how shallow), and about its concrete corners and about how hard it’s become to be gentle. I want to be gentle. I want to wake up seeking out light, and expecting to find it in small gestures that build a whole life.

I want to run circles in the park; wide, fantastic circles.

Thom Kofoed
Instagram: @thomkofoed
Twitter: @thomkofoed

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