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‘Plenty of Fish’ by Seaside Belle

And so my dip into the waters that are ‘Plenty of Fish’ online dating comes to an end…and with one noticable exception (Yes, you! I was a fool to let you slip through my fingers!) it’s been more a case of innumerable plankton.  A Hastings belle recounts her experiences with online dating.

Why would you…?

1. Send me unsolicited photoshopped images of what should remain private (at least until after the first date!)
2 Lie about your height and then not wear heels? Did you really think you were going to get away with that one – if I’m 5’3” then you should be taller than me, yes?
3. Think I would go out with you when you dress like a leprechaun (yes, he really does advertise himself in a leprechaun outfit.)
4. Think I would want spontaneous sex with a fireeater? Or was I wrong about that?
5. Believe you when you say you are a fireman? Another one, really?
6. Think that I will respond to messages that say ‘Oi, how r u?’
7. Think I will be impressed by photos of you sprawled over your motor (or did you borrow it?).
8. Think I will be impressed by photos of you in your footie top, sprawled over another woman and gurning over what’s clearly not your first pint of beer?

Still there were a couple whose courage I salute –

9. The man with one leg ‘don’t worry girls I make up for it in other ways’, who messaged me within 3 minutes of me joining the site.
10. The 74-year-old from Essex in full cowboy outfit (from 10 gallon hat to pistol strategically placed) who still thought he was in with a chance 🙂

It’s been quite an experience!

Republished from Rude magazine with kind permission.

Also See Hastings Rude Book Lovers item on 14 February at 19.00

Do you have any humerous experiences to relate from online dating?  Why not share them with us below ?(using some decorum)

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Posted 15:20 Friday, Feb 8, 2013 In: Literature

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