Tina Malina’s St Leonards Diary
May 1st 2010
Moving my third home to St Leonards On Sea has probably definitely been one of the best decisions I have ever recently made. It’s as if St Lens was waiting for me to arrive. Jointly we are as one, together partners just like Tintin and Tonto.
I had absolutely no pre- conceptions about St Leonards. To be honest I had never heard of it other than from the iconic Gordon Busbridge TV ads. I had imagined by it’s name to be a spiritual, tranquil seaside retreat, but ‘oh contraire’ my life here has been a social whirl from the Get Go.
Joy of Joys I have been schmoozed and ‘canaped’ around more new photography galleries and private views than I could ever have dreamt of. Advising gallerys comes so naturally to me and I’m in terrific demand. I’m also virtually shopped out. Norman Road really should be called E-Normous Road . It’s a big road with even bigger ideas. I now responsibly source all my Russian Art , Home Brewing, and Dawg Biscuits from there and I recommend everyone else do the same. Norman Road is surely the best kept secret this side of Bexhill and Deal. The new Market on the corner is just like Camden Lock but different.
I simply adore the Kings Road too, although apparently it has just been modernised, the planners have some how managed to create an authentic 1960’s Notting Hill feel. I can hardly wait for those barmy summer evenings promenading with my weekend celeb house guests. The likes of Ramsay, Coogan and Clary will go mad for the earthy charms of The Kings Road. Kevin Mcloud who stayed last week is already planning a Grand Designs Kings Road Curtain Special. East Dulwich’s Blue mountain Coffee Shop is poised to open and I can hardly wait as there coffee is second to none except Brighton’s Red Roaster.
As a top Staffy breeder myself, sitting sipping my double brewed tea outside Kings Roads Jempson’s I feel like I’m in paradise, died and gone to cloudnine. Surely this is the Staffee capital of the world ? A Staffy watching nirvana of a road. St Leonards has a unique big time ‘Staffy style’ . The Council really should promote this more. I will raise this in my monthly text report to them.
So from knowing no one, within days I have got to know everyone, well to be exact everyone has got to know me. A friendlier place there couldn’t be, you can forget Cooden Beach. I have already been invited onto the board of the Burtons Society, been made an honorary member of the Winkle Club and been acclaimed Bohemias Women of The Year. I am very excited about all three accolades and look forward to discovering what they actually are. I really do hope none of them involve painting my face green though!
Housemate Christopher Biggins has settled better than I could have possibly hoped for, he has joined the local Pimped Bike Chapter, developed a healthy appetite for doner kebabs and made friends with some ‘local characters’. Biggins meets his new bestest chums every day by the beach shelters at the bottom of London Road, where they are mostly engaged in research for the Hastings Observer’s Guide to Super Lagers. Biggins evenings are spent at the Robertson Road Kebab Hut where he recently appeared in a Police CCTV ‘training’ film.
It’s a joy of joys the move has been so positive for him, as Biggins has tended to live under my shadows laurels as well as in my home ever since he got back from the jungle.
Biggins says he is almost a local now and insists for some reason on calling me Tina Marina.
Our nine bedroom West Hill Road home is looking amazing. I didn’t even need to send to London for all my hand made wallpaper and interior designer needs. A nod from moi meant many artists have already followed and decamped here buying up derelict pubs and empty shops to set up workshops. They really are true fine art regenerists pioneers. These DFL’s and an OFB’s (Over From Brighton) are the exciting new breed of St Leonardatonians, true cuppuchino culturians. Real exploratory regeneration footsoldiers. What’s more for each new Hackney , Hoxton East Dulwich and Brighton arrival I earn hefty SEEDA and HBC bonuses. It’s win win win.
A wonderful, fantastic, marvellous first St Leonards month, my only regret is that I have only been able to actually spend eight whole days here so far and I only have officially five months left to go on my contract but I have an inevitable hunch that HBC and SEEDA will be begging moi to stay!
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